stop talking about that!

Oh, how I hate, despise, abhor the conversation I just had. Talks about lost & losing someone close to you is like visualizing losing a limb, losing one of your senses, only far, far worse.

Now, do I just go to bed, pretending to try to sleep (which I know perfectly well I can't) or do I hit the shower to drown this wretching sobs?

The choice is obvious, aint it?

Making peace

There's so much I wanted to tell, but it all just got lost in my train of thought that was going light-speed as I sat in front of you. Like the dreams of you I've been having, where you are a natural part of my life. Or how of late so much of our memories keep popping on my social media accounts, of our coded conversations, favorite verses from our favorite poets, and end of the year memories.

And how apt, songs by the singer that used serenade me while we were keeping each other company then, was playing as we walked into the coffee place.

Had the chance meeting been planned, it wouldn't have worked out as almost perfect as it was. Like we always said, we'll meet again someday if and when the stars are properly aligned, and we will at the same place at the same time, unplanned, unexpected.

Was it perfect? No. Can seventy seven minutes in seven years, be enough? It felt more like a split second, you miss all the important bits and created many more of 'I wished I had'.

I wanted to run, not facing you, ever again. To just tell you I see you, but goodbye. Then I thought, I can't forever be running. And you being here made me realize that you are not my demon, nor am I your temptation. We are just parts of each other, that are meant to make us whole/real. But the thing is, we can't be whole all the times, because perfection will only destroy us. So chance meeting and stolen moments are all we have.

Now, twelve and three quarter hours after I first saw you sitting in the same seat as I was, seven rows ahead in that huge hall, my heart is still racing, my head spinning with excitement, yet I feel sated, at peace. A sense of completemess envelops me. I've made peace, with you and with me. I made peace with us. About us.

Till the next time the stars are aligned.

"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul"

"...so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you..."

~ Pablo Neruda ~

sleepy dreams

dream I could finally fall asleep
a sleep filled with dreamy dreams

Why You’ve Already Met Your Soul Mate

Love is love. 

No love is better than the other. The love of a family member is the love of a friend is the love of a lover. It’s all love. We look for love, but we have never not had love. We are surrounded by love. It is in every small detail and every grand moment.

In a way, a soul mate completes you for a time. A soul mate is, perhaps more directly, a soul match. Your soul finds another soul and that soul match creates something necessary and important. This can be romantic love, friendship love, familial love, or any other definition of love that is not necessary. All love is love.

We can have a soul match with many people. In fact, we do. There is not just one soul mate. There are many. And, they join us on our journey of life for an undetermined amount of time and they allow us to grow. They challenge us. They show us where we need to heal.

To me, a soul mate is someone who breaks down the barriers we have to love. They come in and disrupt our lives in various ways. They are that new friend we meet who feels like a friend we’ve reconnected with, not someone new we just met. They are that cousin we share a bond with that far transcends any other relationship in our family. They are that person we can call after months of not talking and pick up right where we left off. They are that lover who brings out the anger we need to heal, the insecurity we need to face, the parts of us we hide away that need the light.

It’s all important. It’s all love. There’s no distinguishing. We cause our own suffering by distinguishing it at all. We see our lack of love constantly. We think we are without love, without a soul mate, but they are there, all around us. We simply don’t know how to see it. We have a narrowed version of love, of soul mates, and, in our desire to fill that narrow version up, we lose the chance to see that we are provided the chance to love at any moment.

At any point in our lives, we are trying to get back to the purest love. We want that transcendent love. Yet, we think that kind of love exists in one person that we must find and commit to forever. The point here is that we can experience pure love with any relationship. We can experience humility, vulnerability, trust, and defenselessness in all various forms of relationship. We can stand open-hearted with anyone we choose and especially those that float into our lives as soul mates.

A soul mate is a soul connection between two people. And, it’s challenging in that it will bust open our hearts in ways that we will not comprehend until we’re in the throes of it. We cannot cheapen any relationship that is soul binding just because it is not romantic love. We will grow and heal from any kind of soul love, soul match, soul mate. That’s the point. We are all one. We all come into our lives at various stages for reasons that we don’t know at the time, but of which reveal themselves over time.

If we continue to approach each relationship with this idea, that our soul has chosen this person for a time, then we see new meaning. We see that no love is better than another love. We see the fragile, beautiful soul match that is in front of us. We learn to appreciate and be grateful for the love we have right now, this moment, and focus entirely on that. We surrender to the bigger picture of our lives, that we do not know what is leading to what, but that if we put our time where our love is, then we will be led. We will need not feel in lack, because we will always be in abundance. 

by Jamie Varon Jamie Varon

Fading

Sometimes, fading into the darkness
Would be be the best route
Before what's left of the broken heart
Are shattered into a million shard