Friday, January 20, 2012

stop talking about that!

Oh, how I hate, despise, abhor the conversation I just had. Talks about lost & losing someone close to you is like visualizing losing a limb, losing one of your senses, only far, far worse.

Now, do I just go to bed, pretending to try to sleep (which I know perfectly well I can't) or do I hit the shower to drown this wretching sobs?

The choice is obvious, aint it?

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Making peace

There's so much I wanted to tell, but it all just got lost in my train of thought that was going light-speed as I sat in front of you. Like the dreams of you I've been having, where you are a natural part of my life. Or how of late so much of our memories keep popping on my social media accounts, of our coded conversations, favorite verses from our favorite poets, and end of the year memories.

And how apt, songs by the singer that used serenade me while we were keeping each other company then, was playing as we walked into the coffee place.

Had the chance meeting been planned, it wouldn't have worked out as almost perfect as it was. Like we always said, we'll meet again someday if and when the stars are properly aligned, and we will at the same place at the same time, unplanned, unexpected.

Was it perfect? No. Can seventy seven minutes in seven years, be enough? It felt more like a split second, you miss all the important bits and created many more of 'I wished I had'.

I wanted to run, not facing you, ever again. To just tell you I see you, but goodbye. Then I thought, I can't forever be running. And you being here made me realize that you are not my demon, nor am I your temptation. We are just parts of each other, that are meant to make us whole/real. But the thing is, we can't be whole all the times, because perfection will only destroy us. So chance meeting and stolen moments are all we have.

Now, twelve and three quarter hours after I first saw you sitting in the same seat as I was, seven rows ahead in that huge hall, my heart is still racing, my head spinning with excitement, yet I feel sated, at peace. A sense of completemess envelops me. I've made peace, with you and with me. I made peace with us. About us.

Till the next time the stars are aligned.

"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul"

"...so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you..."

~ Pablo Neruda ~

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Fading

Sometimes, fading into the darkness
Would be be the best route
Before what's left of the broken heart
Are shattered into a million shard