Thursday, March 04, 2021

Bullies suffer from inferiority complex

Dear Ujie,

You know why they hated us so much?

Because we were different, most times we are way better than them. We don't conform to their cookie-cutter ideal, so they feel intimidated by it, tak tercapai kalau nak ikut, tak terlawan nak ditanding, so they resort to what make them feel bigger, by bullying and putting us down.

Sama saja the boys, those yang bullied and called you names, sebab depa rasa threatened by you, or more likely some had a crush on you tapi tak tau nak buat apa, so started teasing you and that got out of hand, benda tak elok ni cepat orang ikut.

As for the teachers, apart from one or two sadistic ones, the rest are more comfortable listening and believing 'cerita' from those yang depa rasa depa boleh faham compared to those like you and I, it's simpler for them to label the likes of us as troublemaker and bad influence dari nak siasat the truth. 

These bullies put us down, bully us to break us, so that we either conform or we breakdown and lose who we are meant be. I had to stop letting those cruel things and bad episodes define me, otherwise I wouldn't be able to grow and be happy with my life. 

If I'm going to be sad, I want it to be because of my own mistake or tragedy, not something bullies inflicted on me out of their own insecurities years ago. I  don't want them to live in my head rent-free, and parasitically destroying my fabulous self. 

It wasn't easy Ujie, at times they do pop up and screw me up, but hey! I'm not going to let them control my life anymore. 

Remember I told you how I met some of those bullies and realized how sad they look now? Bukan dah jadi supervillian ka apa pun, just a sad looking makcik who will not even be a quarter of who we are today.

Jiwa depa sakit, that's why depa buat semua tu kat kita, kalau depa normal like they think they are, they wouldn't have done all those things, so toksah menyakitkan jiwa dan diri kita lagi sebab depa sakit jiwa. 

Nak minta depa apologize? What will that get us? Lega? Puas hati? Rasa terbela? All bullying will stop? Silap silap lepas depa dah apologies satni kita dok fikir pulak, depa ikhlas ka minta maaf, or depa do so just to make fun of us, hence the vicious cycle continues. 35 years later they are still 'bullying' us, only this time we are enabling them, giving them the power to do so. We have suffered long enough to let them continue doing that. Imagine the great things that we are meant to achieve and know that it's not too late to achieve it.

Panjang dah aku merepek ni. Hugs to you Ujie, insyaallah soon all these will just be a bad memory that will no longer haunt you, and me.

Love you.