Friday, August 23, 2013

jars of heart

"Your song is on air" he texted.

She coyly replied "Which one?"

He click call on her number, she picks up after one ring "You know exactly which song I am referring to..."

"Oh, that song... It's not my song really, never been, people just keep saying it is that I almost believe it too" she sighs. "You know, not so long ago, I discovered the smallest of the jars, hidden deep behind the other jars. It has my name on it. In it I found my heart, slowly beating, bleeding from a large gash, barely healing"

"I know now why I am incapable of love. I have forgotten that I have had my heart stored away, so that nothing can hurt me any more.  I have pretended to live a happy existence for so long that I don't remember I don't have a heart. And I think love is a sham. It's just a scheme to break you. A lottery in which most people lose, and the winner is never you"

Confused and almost angrily he argues "But... You, him, the people in your live. Me? The things you do, that can't just be being charitable or plain goodwill. That's love!"

"Don't be silly, mistaking my affection for love, and most of all, you out of all people, please don't fall in love with me, you will only get your heart broken. And as they did, you too will blame me and them jars of heart. When the truth is, I don't have a heart to love. I don't even know what love is any more  I am incapable of love. I don't believe in love. And that thing called soulmate? Only the delusional hopes and searches for it. Yes, maybe soulmates exist, one for you and one for me too. They are probably out there, in a world parallel to ours but definitely not here, not now. They just don't exist in our life or even during our lifetime. We are not among the lucky ones"

"I can't love, I don't want to love. It's a self-preservation thing. I am damaged. I am no good, I will just destroy the us that we have, and I will ruin you" she adds.

The door bell rings, she wipes her teary eyes as she opens the door, expecting her aunt. He is standing there. Looking into her eyes, he whispers,

"But you see, it's not too difficult to fall in love with you"

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